So, it’s here I come back to
this place of detest
to empty out the contents of my distress
Call the movers, tell them to pack my things
all my belongings, leaving in the morning
oh what a valiant day that would be
Seattle bound on the 10 year anniversary
the idea popped into my head
what a glorious wish I wish I could fund
yet all my luck in an imaginary lottery, a simple folly
No matter the effort I try to progress
never I have ever in months
have I been the object of interest
just the anchor of a sinking ship
Somehow I drag down everyone I come across
apparently there’s this big gray cloud
that’s been following me around
In my semi-charmed kind of life
I’ve been made out to be the villain in my own heroic tale
If alternate dimensions exist
please let me persist to defy destiny
and allow my life to be an inevitable causality
let me live to live and be free
The place I rest my head
is not home, is not a bed, it’s quicksand
mirroring my welcome worn out
in this once proud place I could call home
sits a battlefield where I, now a landmine
somehow cause destruction, misplacement, anger
so I retaliate with my own brand
neither of us understanding
I just want someone, any adult to listen to my side of the story
instead of making assumptions, spilling out advice
restarted rhetoric I’ve heard for the past seven years
I know how old I am, don’t spit it back at me
I know what I’ve said
it was a release statement from your chokehold
to have some faith in me
let me be an adult instead of treating me like I’m still 13
I said what I said to be heard
not to be thrown into an assorted crowd of basement dwellers
who don’t want to work for nothing
I want a life of my own
but I want to get there on my own
I just need a roof over my head to get a jumpstart
that’s all
but no…
You know if my world wasn’t in need of saving
when I was 13, I wouldn’t be feeling this
if I felt my world wasn’t in such jeopardy
I wouldn’t feel this selfish today
I wouldn’t feel this…as I would say
I had a whole second act to prepare for
all jotted down in my memory notebook
nice and clean
but my literary revolution
my physical revolution
my revolution is a joke
so my world remains as hollow as I feel right now
Without a little mystery, no one would miss me
Life please present me with a victory
I’ve lost too many battles, too many wars
if I lose a day, I’ll be an illusion
for I’ve already lost my mind
laughing maniacally in daydreams
for reasons disturbed
but I’ve already disturbed complexities
Victory Wanted
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