Excuse me miss, have I introduced myself
My introduction to a delusion as I message you
going in thinking it would all turn up roses
going all in thinking…
Apologies I’m jumping the gun, jumping the shark but the shark is 3 inches long so why should I bother
Why should I bother
I’ve been fighting this feeling for days
fighting again, what i do best
tossing these thoughts throughout a thickheaded mindset
What’s wrong, the usual
A woman, yes I can hear the crowd groan
but it’s not what you think or rather who
Yes, she came from the past but she’s bigger than that
She’s an independent renegade, going against the grain
hitting the ground running, never slowing for a second
I can hear the audience about
“How is this one any different”
And my first despicable braggadocious response would be she’s impossible to miss as she stands at 6 foot 5
while I only at 5 foot 6
yet height out the way, she’s incredible
She’s important, she’s integral to my story for she was the first
She was first in my 8th grade year
She starred as my girlfriend
Or rather I starred as her boyfriend
I admit I admired my boyish mind, whatever I wanted I went after without hesitation, without a careful plan, without all the extra baggage of current thought overhaul
Still regardless it needs to be said, I messed up; I messed up bad
At first there was a mutual connection but I believe after 6 tries, we both fell out
Just stayed friends, who were we kidding
Who were we trying to prove
If we couldn’t get it right, why stay synched up like we did
I asked this question for some time until she faded from my memory
The grand Sorceress made her appearance and there ended her story until recently
In her atmosphere, she was still awkward but still breathtaking nonetheless
I know it’s a common analogy for me
Am I not allowed to declare beauty when I see it?
apologies if I can’t articulate different meanings
Not like I have any shot at any sort of communication
I was lucky enough to be able to reach out after the fact
She has nothing to prove to me
I have nothing to prove to her
Like proving something is what our connection was missing
She has nothing to gain from me
I was only a chance encounter yet I want that encounter to last, forget the past
Her face made my day, she made me smile genuinely
And in this incarnation of me, I need all the smiling I can get
While we were away, separated by fate
I was engulfed by hate
Fighting time and suicide
A fight that turned into a war and I find I’m always on the losing side
So foolishly I had it in my heart she could aid me in some way
Cure my loneliness, pull me a little closer to shore
Naively I didnt think I could go wrong with someone I once adored
But recent revelations revving up in dreams make me believe she’s so far out of my league
She may present me a way out
But what on earth do I offer her?
Friendship, how much does my presence weigh when in constant succession all my friends are turning invisible
Life of an adult? No a turn of the century introvert who forgets how to pick up the phone and call
She present me a way out
But what can I offer her?
Stability? A comfortable ear to talk to?
A shoulder to rest on?
A human bed for her to lay?
I pray I can keep her around
But with my lack of ideas
With my many years of loneliness
I’m way too old to be feeling this young and clueless
I havent had the time nor energy to entertain someone new
So what do I do? Ban myself from her presence
Conceal my efforts, pretend she’s a figment of my imagination
Or come clean, tell her intensely I miss her
Ask her to let me take her out to dinner and see where it goes?
8 years, it’s been another 8 years
Is it lucky or trivial at this point?
Should I give it one more shot
Or realize I’ll always be shot down
An A From 8th Grade
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