Recently I’ve been struck with a feeling,
A yearning that’s formed a small hole in my core.
I ponder in bed, staring up at the ceiling:
Do I want a best friend, or perhaps something more?
I wonder, what is the cause of such stirrings?
It’s not like I’ve just lost a lover or friend.
So why I suddenly have this strong yearning
For a stranger is something I can’t comprehend.
Pragma or philia, which does my heart want?
What kind of connection do I seem to crave?
Do I solely desire a platonic confidant,
Or am I also longing for a body to embrace?
Perhaps I want both, but if so, then how?
Should the features of both be of one heart and mind?
The traits of a lover and friend endowed
To a single individual, my partner in crime.
Maybe it’s better that the both be separate.
If I had a best friend first, it would be more wise.
Aside from sharing our laughter and wit,
They’d lend me their ear and insightful advice.
I await your arrival with fond anticipation,
And I ask that you try to come forth to me quickly
So we both may sooner cease deprivation
Of life without each other, my partner-to-be.
I’m not exactly sure when or why I started feeling this way, but I thought it was something worth writing about. I haven’t had a real best friend since middle school, and I’ve never even had a romantic partner, so I don’t know why I’m suddenly wanting one or the other (or both). And I’m not even feeling this for a specific person, which I also find odd. I’ve had crushes and “friend crushes” before for specific people, but this isn’t the same. Maybe I’m just lonely or craving emotional intimacy, I don’t know. I just hope these feelings either settle themselves out or I actually find what I need (though that’s pretty unlikely to happen for a while given the fact that there’s still a pandemic forcing me to stay at home.) Until then, I await the day.
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