I caught the train to Hell today
A dark and bumpy ride
So many souls were huddled there
Full packed it was inside
With men and women, children too,
It was a great surprise
So many people that I knew
Were set before my eyes
The train, it trundled `long the track
All screeching at a pace
No way was there to send it back
`Twas writ` on every face
Their misdemeanours were all marked
Wrapped up and fully bagged
By Hell`s own wardens they were kept
And prop`ly neatly tagged:
Old Freddie boy who shot his wife
‘Because she gave me so much strife’
And little Johnny (heard his cries)
Because he plucked the wings off flies
O then there was that sad old dame
Who spent her whole life on the game
Old Joshua, without remorse,
Had cru`lly battered his old horse
With head in hands, a guy called Frank
Had meanly robbed a village bank
And then a pensioner he mugged
Because, he said, that he was drugged
And then there`s me, O such a crime,
I wrote a verse that didn`t rhyme
And furthermore, I don`t see fit,
The rest of it I should admit
Clickety-click along the lines
Still puffing out its steam
That poor old train came to a halt
Thank God, `twas just a dream! !
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