i was left out
i was chosen second & then left out
i was left
handed i was left
to fend for myself i
was the second in
command the second
in line i came
without direction
*
i want the
milk i want my
first pick i want
choice & all its implications there was a
*
residue of
scar
between us it chafed
when we rubbed our
chests together
*
hello, brother, hello?
hello in there, brother, can you
hear me? it’s a long
tunnel to the grave speak
you were my
first god i was rapt in your
coming
(mother better
eat her vegetables, she better chew) choo
choo
what’s bitter between us
*
i want the
milk i need it for my
teeth they’re
soft the gums
bleed there’s the evidence
on my toothbrush i got the
second draft i need calcium
to make up i
got a job
& left
i don’t know where you’re
buried
*
what do you
need? what will make you
happy? what do you
want? the dead
do have mouths &
appetites suck it
up there’s plenty in the ice
box more
where that came from
*
if somebody
asked me what’s
next i wouldn’t
know i took my hands off
her like something
hot or fragile or in
pain i was
aghast at suffering how you can feed
& feed it
& it’s never
full
*
there’s a separation
between us a suppuration there’s just the
space of an idea i don’t know what’s
missing it’s a blind
spot sometimes my left eye
focuses & it’s like looking at
both of us through a
window
*
i’m telling you the
facts of life for
you haven’t been told
you’re in your late
fifties you’re dis-
eased or disinterested a
queer unable to
come out of the casket OK
*
you live this
life i’ll live the
next she only has enough milk for
one baby i’ll go
around this
time you come the
next that time you’ll have a
better mother i
promise you that
Toi Derricotte, “For my unnamed brother [1943-1943]” from The Undertaker’s Daughter. Copyright © 2014 by Toi Derricotte. Reprinted by permission of University of Pittsburgh Press.
Source: The Undertaker’s Daughter (University of Pittsburgh Press, 2014)
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