When I Get To The Root Of What I Really Want

When I get to the root of what I really want
it all comes down to the nothing that I’ve got.
If a mirror were to publish me the way I really look,
I’d look like a rootless tree, scattering all its leaves
and dropping its fruit like tears that got too heavy to bear.
I look at a beautiful woman now as if she were art,
a Caravaggio in a gallery, as my eyes are
just as happy to see, as my hands once were to touch.
Noli me tangere. Because I don’t love anyone,
not even myself. Love is a double-edged sword
that can’t dance solo, and my longing’s been
a wandering troubadour for so long now, I can
mark the eras of my life by the number of windows
I’ve stood under singing to the waxing moon as it opens up.

I’ve always been a foolish dream weaver
trying to make a waterbed out of a snakepit for two
knowing how long it takes for the flying carpets to wear through.
I’m Pictish enough to live with a blue body
covered in lunar tattoos, or play the sacred clown
so I can use my absurdity as an alibi for the loss of my innocence,
and everybody’s innocent at the beginning of love,
as if the moon were renewing her virginity in you.
I’ve lived with a lioness, two witches, an apostate madonna,
a beast mistress, one demon with juno, a couple of butterflies
that landed on the tip of the split dragon’s tongue
divining for water in hell a moment or two
before their flightpaths got so erratic I couldn’t keep up
and not wanting to fly wingman anymore,
tilted my wings good-bye, and banked back
into the depths and the heights of my reptilian solitude.

If things aren’t perfect after you get over the shock of moonrise
believe me, the night you stop blaming
the flaws in your telescope
or the cinders in your own eyes
and realize how much dark ore it takes
for a nugget of gold to cast it
like a mountain of shadows behind it,
you’d make a much better astronomer than you are now.
You’d be able to relate to the asteroids
as easily as you do the radiant rings and shepherd moons
with their alluring promise of a mysterious life
just under the eyelids of their ice-caps,
as you peer through the cracks in their cataracts.

My heart’s been savaged by firestorms of stars
sweeping across deserts of volcanic ash and pumice
by thousands of delusions arming themselves like mirages
to wound the very water they depended for their lives upon
because they didn’t think there were enough bubbles in the hourglass.
You wake up one morning and find the skull of the moon
polluting your wishing well, it’s time to pack up
and take your lute on the road again like uprooted rain.
Try for a graceful exit but if it’s a little more brutal
than your entrance, do the best you can one abyss at a time
so that when you’re on your death bed reviewing all this,
you won’t have to wince too hard
at all your futile attempts to remain indefensibly human.