Haunting memories of you… cross my mind
Memories…once then faded to black.
Clenching fists till blued…in fear of remembrance of it all.
Not wanting to go there again…releasing all of my past pains inflicted.
Yet, I long to remember you.
The smell of your neck…as I lay my head next to your pillow while asleep.
Etching each pore of your cheek and nose into my then… child like needy heart and mind.
Wanting so…that maybe you’d return the feelings of that moment…but do not.
Yet, I continued loving you.
What was this attraction felt…that I clung so dearly to you?
What did I see in the monster you always became?
For it was not the lust of your pleasures…for there were none had by me.
Giving only the empty shell of me to your needs and desires…each one too short lived.
Yet, my body ached for you always.
The years have passed…but the memory of you is still very real
Nightmares at times…but my form of real just the same.
What a sickness…your disease given me…
Is this the best you’ve left me with?
To live my life out… still in the wanting-ness of your touch?
If only for this fleeting moment.
God take this from me…let this cup pass from me Lord!
Erase all the memories of this man from my heart and feeble minds desires.
Yet, I crave who you were not.
By: Linda Winchell
Copyright: 2009
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