Adam says he can’t because he’s trapped in a sleepy mimosa dungeon. We’re full of champagne & starch & can’t rise up out of ourselves. It takes us ten minutes to remember the word “glib.” Thinking is like climbing into a short-sheeted bed: familiar enough, but I don’t know—just fucking Wiki it when we get home? A character on one of our Hulu shows tells another character, “I think you’ve been watching too many ’80s sitcoms on Hulu.” I’m supposed to believe we live in a world where fifteen-year-olds know the theme song to The Jeffersons? I guess Gossip Girl grants us brief economic reprieve, but Adam says he misses the halcyon days of crab rangoon & non-ironic corduroy. When we go out drinking on Easter, there’s a bevy of UT law students. One guy is wearing pastel pink chinos & loafers with no socks. After three pecan porters I can’t help myself: I go tell the guys, This is a little weird but I have this blog where I blog about one Totally Awesome Thing every day, so I was wondering if I could take a picture of you for my blog? Because I think your pink pants are Totally Awesome. The whole party breaks into cheers & back slaps. One bro tries to start “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” but fails. Pink Pants asks, Can I run to my Land Rover real quick? He returns sporting a plaid cardigan & his preppiest pout: To Be Young & Rich is Pure Misery, by Ralph Lauren. I tell myself this is something I do in the name of New Sincerity. At 4 a.m. I wake to the sound of Adam retching in the bathroom. I curl up outside the door & tell him about my dream where C+C Music Factory was an actual factory, where “Gonna Make You Sweat” (Everybody Dance Now)” was our one earnest anthem. It played on repeat all night long. We knew every word. We worked there.
The New Sincerity
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