001-The Story Of Noah’s Ark

One day when Noah had nothing better to do
He spent the day coveting his neighbor’s ass and his wife’s ass too.
He said, ‘I know very well that I won’t by God be smitten
As the Ten Commandments haven’t even yet been written.’
Now, she had a figure that wouldn’t quit
But she said, ‘Hold on Noah, let’s wait a little bit
Much as I’d like to stay and spark
You’d better get on with building that Ark.
It won’t be easy cramming one million animals in
But if you don’t do it, it will be a sin.’
So he left her there and got right to it
Said, ‘It’s a big job but somebody’s got to do it.
A big blow is coming, not just a little breeze’
So he fired up his chainsaw
And cut down a thousand gopher wood trees.
What’s gopher wood? I don’t know
But God said that’s the way to go.
Where he found them in the barren desert is a fact a little sticky
But when reading the Bible you can’t get too picky.
Got a herd of camels, dragged the logs down the hill
And cut them into planks at a Jewish saw mill.
Started putting the boards together
Thought he’d better hurry before the very bad weather.
Had to fasten them together with super glue
As nails hadn’t been invented yet so he had no nail or screw.
Was 300 cubits long and 50 cubits wide
In order to withstand the crashing tide.
What’s a cubit? , I’m not that sage
But guess it don’t matter at this late stage.
Finally finished, glad he’d gotten offa the dime
Got to round up all the beasts and he’s running outta time.
So he got seven pair of clean mammals and a pair of birds, reptiles and fish and even some whales
Tho to get them aboard had to trim off their tails.
Got his relatives on board as the water started rising
It covered all the land which wasn’t so surprising.
Many moons later the tide began to drop
Praise the Lord, he thought the rain would never stop.
Sent out a dove and it found some land
Glory to God, strike up the band!
The boat settled down on Mount Ararat
And for all I know that’s where it’s still at.
It was about time, put Noah in a better mood
As all these animals had et up all the food.
Noah chopped a hole in the roof of the boat
And the first one ashore was an old Billy Goat.
The rest all followed in a single file
And spread over all the earth in a very short while.
Started begetting and begatting and I’ll have to say
That it made the earth what it is today.
A rainbow appeared, as a covenant so I’m told
That there’d be no more flood as in days of old.
Next time I think it would suffice
If the world ended up in fire or ice.
I didn’t want to keep you in the dark
So that’s the story told of old Noah’s Ark.
And if you believe the Ark’s still on that ridge
Maybe I can sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.