When my Mom died
Many years ago
I was left with the hollow feeling
That told me that
Something was missing…
Well of course my MOM
Was missing! !
I think that’s pretty obvious…
But in actuality…
She had been missing for years
It seemed that after
My Dad died…
Mom just faded into a blur
It was like watching
Someone sinking…ever so slowly
Into quicksand…
And being unable to save them
I realized
While sorting through her things
That what was really and truly missing
Was my knowledge of…
Who she really was…
I was left with dozens of unanswered questions…
I knew her face…
Knew her voice…
But never knew…
What was on the inside…
Did she love my father…
Or was she…just getting by?
Did she love life…
Or was she waiting to die?
Did she have any passions?
Did she have regrets?
Did she know I loved her…
And yet couldn’t quite reach her?
I think her whole life changed
That day in the hospital
When she met my Dad
He had returned from war
Quite possibly…
A changed man
I’m convinced…
Her life changed
From that day forward…
And…to be brutally honest…
Not necessarily in a good way…
Thirty years plus…
They stayed together…
Many times…
I asked myself ‘why’?
The marriage was somewhat…
Stormy…shall we say…
Oh…there were moments
Of laughter and fun
And I try to hang onto those
But all in all…
I think it turned her into
A battered, broken soul
That no one…
Was ever able to fix
So I’ve made a decision
In my life…
My children will know me
I may not always be here
I may not spend
Every waking moment of the day
With them…
But they will know me
I will show them my passions
And encourage them
To be passionate as well
They will know that I love them
And they will feel that love
They will know that I love LIFE!
Yes…I will show them my soul
And they will know me…
They may not like everything they see…
And that’s quite all right
But when the time comes…
That I’m no longer here…
I don’t want them to have
Those unanswered questions…
Life is too short after all…
To be questioning our past
Dee Daffodil (HW) 3 April,2008
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