Are these connections coincidences or fate,
When the time for love and hope is late;
Could it be possible buried hearts to live
Unaware of love they guard concealed?
Mihaela Pirjol
(For the first two sections, Jeremy speaks the odd-numbered stanzas, and Rene, the even-numbered ones. For section three I have
identified each speaker. The surging melody Rene hears in section one is the second song in Gustav Mahler’s cycle THE SONG OF THE EARTH, titled The Lonely One in Autumn.)
TWO SOLITUDES
Silence, like a pale wind, drifts
through leafless poplars, slips down
their wet bark, soaks red gold leaves
I trample, and spreads across the landscape
I call home. When will this silence end?
When will my solitude be peopled with love?
I walk quickly through sunshafts
broken into crooked pieces of light.
This is the awakening that shines
over me and my terrier on our morning
walks. He strains against the leash
so anxious is he for the next scent.
Time was I thought the world
would be different by now. We are
anxiously listening for the redemptive
word. People still stretch out their arms
in a mute appeal. And we practice the art
of WAITING. How long can patience hold?
How can I help my sister? Her husband
is having surgery next week to remove
a growth. Is it benign or malignant?
She is so worried. In one breath she tells
me they are both hopeful and strong, and
in the next breath she falls silent.
I obsess over things that are distant
from me – foreign affairs, money policies,
trends in lyric poetry, world hunger. It’s
what’s close that is veiled. I should seize
and lift that veil, and pull it off, or
do I wait for a gentle breeze to remove it?
Beth and Glenn came to see me. They, no, we
are so relieved. Glenn is fully recovered.
They were like giddy teenagers, smiling
at each other, holding hands, stealing
kisses. Meanwhile, I heard that surging
melody, SUN OF LOVE, WHEN WILL YOU SHINE ON ME?
There’s going to be a fund raiser for
Tom Whateley’s Teen Watch Association
at the Cedar Theater next Tuesday. He
wants me to come, and I feel compelled
to do so. I think he wants me to volunteer
as a tutor. Perhaps I should – I will.
Beth does volunteer work with teens.
She said it really helped her cope
during Glenn’s crisis. She wants me
to attend a potluck with her and meet
her colleagues. I am strangely drawn
to this event. I already said, YES.
AN UNEXPECTED MEETING
I was getting another glass of wine
for myself when I saw her looking at me.
At first, I thought she was another guest,
and was flattered for the stare. Then –
I realized it was Rene, Rene fourteen
years later. Rene of my heart…
O lucky day! What serendipity! I met
an old flame. He still sees me as that
immature, unpredictable college student
who shared an apartment with him
for six sex-drenched months. Oh, my!
Doesn’t he remember we parted bitterly?
She thinks there was bitterness in our
parting. I remember laughter and good will.
She even lent me $300 to cover rent, I paid
her back promptly, before she left for Chicago.
When I told her the whole story a second time,
with much more detail, she was very quiet.
It’s the same face I held in my hands and
kissed so many times. I didn’t tell him
that. But his eyes still shine with the most
truthful steadiness. There was a moment
I was flustered and could not speak. He smiled
gently over me, and filled the gap quietly.
We found an empty corner, far away from
the stage where a teen band was performing.
People were starting to dance, more and more
on the dance floor. We – we talked in equal
measure of memories and catch-up… Her face
is still that soft flesh I know so well.
A whirlwind week! He calls it a whirligig! Two
concerts, movies on the weekend. Walks in the
parks. Dinners and even lunches together. And
one long night at a jazz club with his friends,
followed by a breakfast gathering with mine.
We’ve stepped into each other’s lives so easily.
I hope I’m not just projecting, but I
haven’t felt so close to a woman in living
memory, which means fourteen years. I wanted
so much to kiss her yesterday. I almost
reached out to touch her face, but suddenly
my hand froze. And a voice inside said, NO.
We talked and talked, and the conversation
goes naturally from trivial things to important
things with barely a breath separating them.
I like this kind of conversation. It tells me
what he’s been through since I knew him
as a young man. Who is he really today, right now?
Our conversation bumped into a lot of locked
doors she wouldn’t open. She treats our past
as a riot of immature kids. But doesn’t every
past deserve a future? I feel such tenderness
for her. If only I could reveal that tenderness.
Is she ready to accept it? Should I take the risk?
Why do men want to jump into bed the moment
you make an intimate gesture? Don’t they
realize we’re testing the waters, not making
overtures? Why can’t they see sex as a culminating
event, and not rush into it until our faces
are imprinted in each other’s heart… And now he’s
mad at me!
… And now she’s mad at me. I seized
the moment she seemed to melt with tenderness.
I surrendered to the passion of the moment,
and I thought she felt the passion, too. But
instead of responding, she stiffened. Aren’t we
imprinted on each other’s mind? How could I be
so wrong?
TOGETHERNESS
Rene
A misunderstanding. An impasse. Four
days of alone-time to realize we want
to be together – always…
Jeremy
I called and left a message. A simple
apology, no special pleading. We are bound
to each other already. We both know this.
Rene
I showed him a book of poems I bought
last summer while vacationing on Aphrodite’s
Cyprus. The female poet wrote several poems
about a buried life animated by a long-ago
experience of love. He smiled, and
it was such a sweet temptation, I wanted
to kiss him.
Jeremy
She recited a poem from memory, holding
the book against her heart. She was so
suffused with emotion, she could barely finish
her recitation. I touched her cheek very gently
and her smile was a single dove flying into a sky
of luminous clouds. I felt suddenly light-headed.
Rene
Read these poems, I said to him. And I will meet
you on every page. He took the book in one hand,
and with other took my hand and placed it on his heart.
He looked deep into my eyes. His brown eyes and
my green eyes locked in a steadfast gaze. Everything
stopped, time stopped, my thoughts stopped.
Jeremy
I took the volume she offered me, and she was
suddenly in my arms, her head against my shoulder.
Then she raised her head, her face was the moon
shining through all the cold winter nights yet
to come, bringing what welcome warmth it can.
We kissed, our kisses were a string of glowing pearls.
Rene
We talked quietly about how we wanted
to live together, and the word forever
was in our speech. And I watched his eyes…
Jeremy
Our talking was hushed, quiet, almost
at times no more than a whisper. We
made promises. And I watched her face…
Rene
So this is the truth of love. How
effortlessly love takes over. Today
it is only a flame, in days –
Jeremy
to come it will be the fire
that lights and warms our years –
Jeremy/Rene
together now, forever now, in the truth of love.
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