Elton And Eve.. [ Theorizing Mankind’s ‘beginning’; God; Sexual Preference; Humor? ? ; Long; In 3 Parts]

Part ONE:

The Garden

He rubbed his side, gave a start, opened his eyes, ….
which were met with a woman, ….to his surprise.
It was to his surprise as well as his apprehension.
[[ He’d never seen a woman before; did I not mention? ]]

As luck would have it, they both spoke English. Yes, they did.
They also were Totally-Naked; no body parts were thus hid.
[[ That is of course all the parts on their EXTERIORS! ]]Till now, Elton had had no Human [male OR female] ‘superiors’,
(but THAT was about to change) .

You see, Elton was the first ‘man’ his God begat,
and till now there’d been No ‘woman’. Think of that!
“She” spoke first: “I am a woman. My name is Eve.”
He replied: “My name is Elton, and I’m about to heave**.”

“Too many apples? ” asked Eve. And she gave him a wink.
“NO! …….God said IF I “eat of the tree”, into SIN I shall sink.”

“Ok” said Eve. “Now I think it’s time we should mate.”
Then she laid down beside Elton, …………but Elton yelled: “WAIT! ! “

**[[ I forgot to explain “heave”; it is a vomiting sensation.
Elton must have been reacting to his ‘Spare Rib’-operation …..
in which God formed the first woman (WHY, Bri doesn’t know) .
I wonder: Did God take a spare rib from a buck to make the first doe? ]]

Anyway, Elton yelled “Wait! ! “, ………….which somewhat bothered Eve.
You see, Eve had her orders from God, and was ready …..to conceive ….
a son or a daughter, or perhaps she’d have one of each.
She only hoped her babies would be born normally, …..not “breech”***.

***[[ Breech: “When a baby is being born bottom end first.”
This way …..for Mom AND baby ……could be the ‘birth-way-worst’! ]]

Eve was quite patient, and, as she “Assumed The Position”,
Eve calmly informed Elton that he was KEY to the transition ….
of Earth, with just two humans, to ………..‘Earth-over-crowded’.
[[ But Elton was struggling inside; his thoughts WERE Darkly-Clouded. ]]

He muttered: “I’d rather you were a man, like me; just my luck! “
But as he fantasized about a MAN, he gave Eve a good f++k.
[[ Yes! Elton stroked his ‘KEY’ till Eve cried out: “NOW, Elton, DO IT! “
And after Elton had ‘turned the key’ long enough, he said: “Screw it! ” ]]

The ‘deed’ done, Eve asked: “Elton, Dear, do you have a cigarette? “
Elton responded: “No, Darling. We haven’t invented them ……yet.”

That night Elton prayed as he’d never, ever prayed before.
He asked God to produce another man like him (like Elton) . “You know what for” …….
…..prayed Elton. And God answered Elton: “I’ll see what I can do,
but you must lie with Eve at least one time more, …….maybe a few.”
[[ “I’ll see what I can do” replied Elton to his God. ]] [[Several years passed, during which Cain and his brother Abel, were born.]]

God, true to his word, made another man (for Elton) , from another ‘spare rib’.
And, from Eve’s ribs, were begot more women [would I fib****? ].

****[[ (to) Fib: ‘to tell a lie; to deceive (perhaps) ‘. Not something Bri does, ……………
…just as my parents never [ha ha] led me to believe in Easter Bunny or S. Claus! ! ]] [[God, even now, SOMETIMES sits musing: “How could it be?
I MEANT to create Elton to be EXACTLY like Me! ! ! “]]

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[[ Part ONE is one ‘theory. Part TWO is another ‘theory’. ]]

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Part TWO:

Primordial Soup

In “The Beginning” there was NO God. No.

God is a Mankind-invention. But let me soften this blow …..
to the hearts and minds of all you ‘Believers’:
God is believed-in by BOTH ‘over-‘ AND ‘under-‘ achievers.

Myself? I’m a 100%, certified, male underachiever.
But I, too, as a youth, was a ……..firm God-believer, ……
until I discovered what, to me, were cracks in ‘the story’ …..
of a god who rules ALL ……..from ‘Heaven’, in ‘His’ glory.

Oh no! God was NOT what caused all ……that you see,
you hear, you feel, you taste, and you smell ….to ‘be’.
I wasn’t there at ‘The Beginning’ but I’ve heard “The Scoop”,
that a stray bolt of lightning struck what’s called “Primordial Soup”.

[[ Primordial Soup: a puddle or ocean ……[YOU take your pick] …..
of elemental particles which produced every wing, brain, and stick,
every blood vessel, and flower, ….all living things that we’ve got.
Don’t ask from where the lightning OR “soup” ….was ‘begot’! ]]

Hydrogen, Carbon, Nitrogen, Phosphorus, Sulfur, and Oxygen,
and many other elements made up the soup, many more than ….just ten.
So …… the energy from the lightning combined things “just so”;
it started a chain of events, bringing us the living things we now know.

From thence came animals, including ‘woman’-Eve, and ‘man’-Elton (or Adam) .
There were created: two “sexes”. In humans they are ‘Mister’ and ‘Madam’.
Also created were all plants, from the very lowly algae to …….mighty huge trees,
some living in tropics, some living where ……….water, in winter, does freeze.

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Part THREE:

Which Is More Believable To YOU?

Which do YOU choose to believe? ? Maybe neither?
To tell you the truth, I’ve NO faith in either ……………
one!

Did ‘God’ ALWAYS EXIST? Did ‘He’, indeed? ?
Did “P. Soup” appear, like an ‘unplanted-weed’?

But I’ll NOT lose sleep over this. I’ll NOT scream.
But: “Thanks! “, to….whomever invented ice cream.

(June 12, 2016; revised March 2017)