i constantly wonder if it’s too dark to be outside.
when i’m walking alone
all i can think of is what
i might have to use as a weapon.
the pen in my purse. my keys.
the rings on my fingers. the heels on my feet.
trying to remember what other women do
to protect themselves from rapists and murderers.
i scan the face of every man
in case i need to identify him in a lineup.
parking garages make me nervous.
i scan the backseat of my car before i get in.
even pulling into my driveway and
walking to my front door feels unsafe.
that walk takes only a minute but
it’s all the time he’ll need to
turn me into a statistic.
it’s impossible to find the words for what officer wayne couzens is charged with doing to sarah everard. my heart breaks for sarah and her loved ones. my heart breaks for every person who’s faced similar acts of murderous violence.
this story hit close to home because this story has been repeating itself since the beginning of time. i know far too many women who’ve experienced violence committed by men. just last week a young woman i consider a sister was harassed by two men during her morning walk at 10:00 a.m. in my hometown of brampton. i know firsthand what sexual assault and being beaten by a man feels like.
it’s not an exaggeration when we tell you that we are actively afraid of being raped and murdered everytime we leave the house.
96% of homicide perpetrators are men. this isn’t a “women’s issue”. violence committed by men is perhaps the longest standing epidemic in all of human history. ongoing for thousands of years- it’s unique in that it’s a fatal issue which isn’t confined to any country. race. class. or community. it affects every corner of the world and has taken the lives of millions. violence committed by men is an issue that’s held the entire world back for far too long. yet it isn’t seen as a public health crisis.
i am tired of having to find the words. we’ve been finding and saying and screaming the words since we were born- our mothers and grandmothers before us. i have never known what it’s like to feel safe when walking home alone. i also know that i may never know what that level of safety feels like in my lifetime. but i’m determined to keep doing the work so that in the future women may never have to think they’re going to be raped. kidnapped. or murdered while doing something as simple as going for a walk.
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