Thoughts Of 01.07.04- In Depression

I do not know what went wrong,
Other than everything.
I do not know what I would give you, now,
Other than everything.
I do not know what to say,
Other than nothing.
(To say more, would be to give myself away again,
Which I have done once,
And still hurt from.)
I do not know what to do, now.
I have nothing,
I want nothing,
Other than an ending.
I have but one desire, now-
Might this be fulfilled, when none of my other desires ever were?
My desire now is for someone to fill my loneliness,
And never leave me alone.
You did,
Though I’ll never understand it.
And maybe the next person I love will too.
Will I ever learn?
Am I cursed, to love,
And never receive love in return?
Am I doomed to this, the worst loneliness I have ever felt?
Then, if so, all I might ask now is for ending,
And darkness complete.
I no longer wish for this blindness-
Now I ask rather for total, numbing darkness,
And no one to disturb me again.