For The Connoisseur Of Gout (A Curtal Sonnet)

Gouty toes are tickled pink by beer:
Light Ale’s frisson melds mace and mustard seed
(due to the way urate is crystallized) .
Lager’s snippier, like Grandma’s pinking shears
while Porter stings like a pet centipede
and Stout’s clout is pure Heaven – vulcanized.

And if your toes get hooked on pain – relax!
Just post ‘em off to Rehab. All you need
is bubble wrap, tape and a medium-sized
cardboard box. Oh yea, and one small axe
-sterilized.