Seijatachi….Seijatachi….
I wish it were true, a believable concept
To be a righteous someone
To walk in light of one true to the prospect aiding others
I wish it were true, that somehow saints were real
That somehow we as beings aren’t comprised of good and evil
We could just pick one side so this complicated mess called life could be slightly simpler
But nothing simple is anything fun
Said a mind so cluttered with doing things the hard way
Said a voice so alone and dedicated by hate for the past
That he does everything he can in short bursts of effort to rid himself of the constant memory until the motivation hides behind amnesia
So enter me a copy, an entity of Jupiter
The counterpart of my Earthly companion
Here let me introduce myself as Rizzo for my real name is so complex and atrocious for your language
But that’s neither here nor there
I’m not anywhere
Is this an illusion, the reason I hate choices
Everything feels hollow, like there’s no right answer but every singly choice could be wrong
Tell me what am I supposed to do
Place hate upon me, I already hate myself
For this subject will rub people the wrong way
Though I don’t care
I don’t care what you think, I don’t care your opinions are worthless opposite of what my counterpart thinks
You are not my reasons for writing, I write cause this is all I have
This is me and I can’t be anything else this is first for me
But I’m off topic, on purpose no accidents though I find I’m accidentally in love with two and I can’t choose
Stop yelling, I feel the guilt like hands around my throat
A knife to my chest to rip out my heart for each way this goes I could lose someone and I’ve lost too much
They both saved my life
They both saved me from the ashes of fires I set to kill myself in their embers
They both are more than mere mortals to me so what on earth do they see in me?
This will be long and I can try to be strong
Finish this with my head held high but their names I will disguise for I can prolong the countdown before my demise if I mute their existence before I give away too much, too little without explaining anything at all
So what’s first, explain who they are, introduce their names, their roles in my world
Is that fair, is to just to compare to separate beings like they’re two subjects
No, they are alive
They deserve respect
Like I’m one to talk, I a coward can’t even voice this out loud while I feel like dirt
Enter Saras
Dear ruler of the stars
I thank you everyday for introducing her to me
I thank you for putting me through endless fights, restless nights just so she could be the picture of delight, a light in too much darkness
Saras, she captivated me from beginning yet I said nothing
Her friend was on my arm yet her friend a slayed me and so like a nurse, like an angel heaven sent she repaired me
To be frank I have no idea what heavens and angels are but it sounds like a glorious thing and she is a glorious being
I see her as a queen, noble and true
Her ideas are worth listening to
She is a cut above the rest
She is gorgeous, she’s enchanting, she’s perfect, she’s two handfuls of complications and confidence
Her honest opinions come out and there’s nothing you can do to stop her
I’m so proud of her
I want to call her mine, I want to reach out and grab her
I’ve wanted to tell her to her face I love her, I don’t want to lose her, I want her in my life eternally
But time is cruel and love is an executioner
She has bigger dreams than mine will ever be
And step by step she’s achieving every single thing she’s set out to do
Here she once was, months together sitting side by side, staring daggers in her eyes remembering their color and how much they’d make me bleed
She ripped my soul from me and I turned it into countless necklaces for her to carry around a piece of me
Not knowing she had all of me
So when distance became an issue, when distance became a thing
Here she just made me empty
For I fought every single day since to remind her that dear Saras my gosh hear me out I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU
But it’s me, it was my turn to leave
When things turned toxic, it was my turn to leave
I couldn’t sit back and watch everything change while I still had nothing
So through highs and lows, I began to get a little more stable
In my mind, Saras never left but in my heart I had to push forward though it hurt, it hurt to see her without me
Enter Talia
The dear ruler of the stars
Put us on a collision course and we made impact when she was going through the same thing
We met prior before but before we were nothing, just friends
No matter my previous claims of falling for her too
Now she has taken my claims to heart and in thanking me for saving her from the tragedy of sadness
In thanking her from saving me from a lifetime of wallowing lousiness, she stole my heart
A mermaid it seems, a siren she blinded me from my world
I thought I was invincible
When life got me down, when I just wanted to scream to the sky
Tear out my eyes with my own incisors
She was the beauty to calm the beast raging so deep
A year passed and everyday she never left
From the rising sun to the sleeping moon, she was right there
A bouquet of marigolds is a sight I’ve never known but I don’t need context to know that’s a breathtaking moment
Dear Talia, she’s an undisclosed box of incredible
She’s a tapestry, a full story to pick up and may be want to read
She’s a model in every word but you couldn’t get her to agree
She’s heavy in her dreams, capable of unbelievable things
Though I wish I could get her to believe in sleep, she moves way too fast for me
Ambitious is she, she’s on the fast track to glory and in her future, she wants me there eternally
For better or worse, forever
And I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t agree
I’d be a scumbag if I said I didn’t tell her the same
Dear Talia, I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO! !
I said it to her face when our concept of time, one week, our worlds intertwined
I told her, I confessed
But I mentioned none to the other
I’m not mean, I don’t have ill intentions
I don’t mean to be this person
I don’t mean but this is me
This is how I feel:
Saras is divine, she’s hands down royalty
She’s vulnerable but you’d have to find her weakness underneath
She’ll never show you anything and that appeals to me
I love a woman who can keep me guessing
Makes me feel I’m worthless with every mistake I take yet do nothing but make me better, make me inspired
Do everything to benefit me while I want to do is shower her with love, understanding
I want to call her mine, I want to call her every thing I can
But she doesn’t belong to me, she belongs to no one
She’s a free spirit, she can’t be tamed
Her fatal flaw, she can’t catch a break
She catches eyes but those don’t bat an eye when it comes to betraying her
For treating her like meat instead of a being with a steady heartbeat
Anger, I don’t know that emotion
I know rage and I want to go on a rampage pulverizing anyone who treats her that way
I want to be hers so she doesn’t have to suffer
I want to be hers for so many
But I’ll stop at I love her, I’m in love with her
Yet it is unfair for I also am in love with Talia
Our reunion, our union has a unique streak conversation that’s bordered on legendary for it’s been constant, it’s been consistent and reached a new height when I went to visit her world to change myself for the better
To prove to her I am all hers, to prove she is important to me and I would do anything
Now upon reflection I feel like I lied for Saras, she still swims in my bloodstream and I can’t take a weapon to dig her out of me
The only way to lose her is to cease living and if one of them leaves that’s the endgame
And if both of them go, I deserve it but I cease living
I can’t lose them both
What do these larger than life, ambitious, free spirits see in someone like me
I am mere mortal in the presence of superheroines, of queens, of royalty
Ruler of the stars, please don’t make me choose
Can’t I have both, do I really have to choose
Do i have a choice
Why do I have to choose
How could I cast out every one else
How could I fall back on.preparations
I said to myself, no one would crawl deep under my skin anymore yet now I have two
And I feel the guilt around my throat like strangling
So strangle me quickly
But with my last breath I’ll say
Saras, Talia
I’m in love with you…
In Love With Two
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